More on Hope

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                                                                                        Untitled ©  Chrissie Smolders

This photo is from the last time I visited Hope. This time I brought a softbox with me and the best photographer around, Jordan Gomez. He helped me set the whole light-thing up and made getting what I wanted possible. I came to photograph Hope in her home, the home she is bound to by her young son, sweet baby Justin.

The apartment is small, and always kept warm and dark. The curtains and blinds are never open, and the last time I tried to get them out of the way everything came crashing down. So I had to try a different approach. This was actually the first time I used artificial light, as I never really trusted it to give me a natural look. But it really didn't disappointed and I am very happy with the outcome.

I am aware though that these pictures may portray something other than what I was going for. Without the story behind it, you may rather quickly think that I was having a session with an escort-girl (to put it nicely). In a room where the bed stands next to the crib. Nice. What I was actually going for was, in short and simple, this: Hope is a young girl, twenty years old, that leads a regular teenage life. Which involves a lot of friends, dressing up and going out. Now that she has her baby though, she is bound to this one place. So I chose to shoot her in the outfits she used to wear from her "former life" in the life she leads now. To create some sort of contrast. Naturally there's more to the story. And even though this might be something else in effect, it most certainly is not a bad thing. It's also not an insult to Hope, so if you're reading this Hope, do not be offended. It's merely an observation that outsiders might have. And it may very well be more interesting than what I was aiming at.

                                                                                          Untitled ©  Chrissie Smolders

Even though I didn't think about it at the time, I find the idea quite interesting. Seeing as how Hope, and many girls with her, put provocative photos of themselves on the internet to share with others, I may not be as far from the truth as I first thought. This is not to say that I want to portray Hope as a prostitute. But I am interested in seeing where the borders lie between consciously portraying girls like this as opposed to them making self-portraits in provocative positions.

PS. As soon as I can work in school-environment again, I will replace these pictures with the ones I can edit on calibrated screens.

Ongoing story

I want to write more about Hope. The last time I visited her was two weeks before I would leave, and I promised to her that I would see her again before I got on the plane. And I thought I really would. I really wanted to. But somehow, when in the last week my best friend was at my side, I never had the time; or took the time to make the effort. Even though I was all tied up in being with my friend from home, being with the friends I made in Brooklyn and accepting the fact I actually was going to leave, I felt incredibly guilty about it.
The guilt stopped me from contacting her sooner than I did, a couple of days ago. But when I finally did, the way she responded made me realize again what an amazing person she is. Hope has a lot of love in her heart.

These are some of the photos I made later on. I wanted to try and do something else than what I normally do, which is being the fly on the wall; nothing more than registrating with my camera. This time I took control and created the scene myself (except for the one with the baby, Justin was actually sleeping there).
I'm quite happy with the results so far, but the project is far from done.
Actually, this may be the first time I mentioned a project... More about that later.

As far as Hope goes, the story does not end. We are still talking and I have no doubt about seeing her again. Just as I have no doubt that I will return to Brooklyn, New York, and create some sort of life for me.


P.S. My 11" laptop is not calibrated, which means the photos may not be a 100% in tune. I did however buy my own Rolleiflex. Happy face!

Hope

 

For the last 5 weeks I've been working with Hope. She is 20 years old, born and raised in Brooklyn, and almost three months ago she got a little baby boy named Justin. Except for our age we haven't got a whole lot in common, but the relationship we do have goes beyond photographer and subject. I genuinely feel for this girl, and I can tell Hope is happy with me spending time with her. She is honest about her being lonely. Her friends don't live nearby, and she doesn't like to go out. Her apartment is always dark and tropically hot when I arrive, filled with old furniture and knick knacks from the lady she rents the place from. 

Hope told me she wants to be a nurse in a psychiatric ward and she wants to travel, to Haiti and South-Africa. She wants to go back to school and get into college. She knows that this all is going to be hard to do now that she has a child, who is everyone's first priority. She feels forgotten as the young woman that she is, one that still needs care from the people around her.

The second time we met, Hope walked me back to the bus stop. We talked about how long we would work together, and she said that she thought it was going to be hard for her when I'd leave to go back to Holland. I was amazed by this girl, who apparently is so touched by someone paying attention to her. I wish I could help her more. I wish I knew how to. Even if I don't really make a difference, I hope that however possible, I leave a trace of love and attention behind.